Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
