Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
