he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
