Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
