I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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