you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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