I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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