No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
