Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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