Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize