In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
