what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
We got so high we made milksteak
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Randomize
