a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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