Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
