did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
