So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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