Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
