She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
