I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
so much tequila, so little girl.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize
