She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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