Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
