Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
