So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
