The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I could make wine with my vomit
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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