she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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