i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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