So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
