i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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