DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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