The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
