Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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