3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
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