Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
