mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
