Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
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