Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
