real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize