I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
