Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I just gift wrapped bread.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
