Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize