I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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