you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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