He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
