i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
