I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Randomize
