It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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