i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
