Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
