This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Randomize
