u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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