too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
