I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize