so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
