I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Randomize
