i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
