im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
