Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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