break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
