Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
