Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
