i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
