he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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