I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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