he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize