Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
