A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
