Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
she peed on how many people?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
