First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I'm just crazy horny about you
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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