she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
