I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
