Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
