***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
