just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
