I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I just googled if crying burns calories
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
