My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
