yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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